as i sit at starbucks, i notice that there is a ridiculous amount of children here! who brings their little kids to starbucks? two words: drive-thru (i am now questioning whether it is only one word, considering the hyphen, but i think this is a waste of brain power). ok so when kids start annoying me, i sing the song "Jesus loves the little children" in my head to hopefully bring some perspective, but then i get caught up in the thought pattern of wondering if the song is offensive to people who are not "red & yellow, black & white". there's a lot of nationalities that aren't, you know? i think that might bug me, anyway, i digress...
so my little brot
her got engaged this past weekend. i'm really excited that i've gotten to be part of the whole rign-designing process & that she's going to be part of our family. she is such a beautiful woman of noble character that will complement my brother better than anyone i can imagine. i know she will not only assume the position of a real sister, but also a friend that i will have for life, which is such a wonderful encouragement. but it is still weird that my little brother is getting married. now, if you would have asked me, i would have said for a while now that he would probably get married before me, but, of course, in the back of my mind, i was hoping something might change that.
it's interesting how our lives are so different. his relationship is very methodical and normal: start dating in high school, date through college, get engaged spring of junior year, get married june after graduation, and i predict will probably live in somewhere like dallas, make a lot of money, and have 2.5 kids. i--well, i obviously don't know exactly what will happen, but nothing resembling his pattern has shown itself in my life just yet. not to say that i'm not thrilled for them or that it's not wonderful for them, and i know God has a different type plan for my life that i'm really excited about discovering, but there's still a part of me (and i suspect most girls) that desires the "safe" life: a safe, secure, predictable life. while there's a huge part of my heart that desires this great, unknown adventure, guided solely by the Lord's leadership, there's also this small part that just wants to know what to expect so i can plan for it--i.e. so i don't have to have faith. i know that i wouldn't be happy in this life, but it still appears to offer security, companionship, and permanent-cy (is that even a word?).
basically, at this point in my life, i want to be moving toward something. i feel so defeated when people ask me questions like "what's next in your life?", "what do you want to do?", "how do you plan to use your degree?" i have no answers. but then i think to myself-isn't it good to be content where you are? i mean, i like my job, i love my little house, i like living in the same city with my family. satan knows that dicouragement is one of the easiest ways to get me down, and attacks me with it when i'm faced with questions of my future, feeling like a failure because i'm not "successful" by the world's standards. on the other hand, i know the Lord has told me very specifically that this "lack of success" would be the case in my life, so why am i surprised? there are so many contradictions in my heart. i want to learn to discern between being "comfortable" with where i am and perhaps dropping it for some way He plans to use the talents & gifts He made me to use.
i want to learn trust, that i really would trust these truths:
so my little brot
her got engaged this past weekend. i'm really excited that i've gotten to be part of the whole rign-designing process & that she's going to be part of our family. she is such a beautiful woman of noble character that will complement my brother better than anyone i can imagine. i know she will not only assume the position of a real sister, but also a friend that i will have for life, which is such a wonderful encouragement. but it is still weird that my little brother is getting married. now, if you would have asked me, i would have said for a while now that he would probably get married before me, but, of course, in the back of my mind, i was hoping something might change that.it's interesting how our lives are so different. his relationship is very methodical and normal: start dating in high school, date through college, get engaged spring of junior year, get married june after graduation, and i predict will probably live in somewhere like dallas, make a lot of money, and have 2.5 kids. i--well, i obviously don't know exactly what will happen, but nothing resembling his pattern has shown itself in my life just yet. not to say that i'm not thrilled for them or that it's not wonderful for them, and i know God has a different type plan for my life that i'm really excited about discovering, but there's still a part of me (and i suspect most girls) that desires the "safe" life: a safe, secure, predictable life. while there's a huge part of my heart that desires this great, unknown adventure, guided solely by the Lord's leadership, there's also this small part that just wants to know what to expect so i can plan for it--i.e. so i don't have to have faith. i know that i wouldn't be happy in this life, but it still appears to offer security, companionship, and permanent-cy (is that even a word?).
basically, at this point in my life, i want to be moving toward something. i feel so defeated when people ask me questions like "what's next in your life?", "what do you want to do?", "how do you plan to use your degree?" i have no answers. but then i think to myself-isn't it good to be content where you are? i mean, i like my job, i love my little house, i like living in the same city with my family. satan knows that dicouragement is one of the easiest ways to get me down, and attacks me with it when i'm faced with questions of my future, feeling like a failure because i'm not "successful" by the world's standards. on the other hand, i know the Lord has told me very specifically that this "lack of success" would be the case in my life, so why am i surprised? there are so many contradictions in my heart. i want to learn to discern between being "comfortable" with where i am and perhaps dropping it for some way He plans to use the talents & gifts He made me to use.
i want to learn trust, that i really would trust these truths:
- the Lord will lead me in these things if i let Him
- He does know the desires of my heart
- He will fulfill the desires of my heart, provided that i'm seeking him and they line up with His will
- my life has already begun, God's plan is already unfolding, and i don't have to wait for my partner in life to fight alongside for it to fully begin
- the desire for my husband is righteous, and i should not feel desperate because of it, but should continue preparing myself for him, and falling more in love with Jesus in the process
1 comment:
I knew you would be a good blogger :)
This is exactly the type of encouraging stuff that I love about you that I knew would surface :)
As for the content of the blog, I just want to take a moment to say, you are such an amazing person! You are so dedicated and committed and faithful to God and to what you He has shown you. I'm glad to have such a mature (in more ways than one!) friend.
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