dream #1?

I had the following dream around the middle of September.

Benjamin & I were at some kind of church function where the parents were one place & the kids were another. So mom & John were with the parents and me & Ben were with the kids. It was like I was significantly younger, like middle school or high school & Ben was a little older, like kindergarten or something. James/Danielle/Lawrence were not there. All of the kids were in a gym & we were playing volleyball or something, but our teams were made up of partners – Ben & I were partners, obviously.

When it came time to switch sides of the court, we went to the other side & all of a sudden it was an auditorium with rows of seats because I guess it was movie time. We were both placed on the front row, but apart from each other, I was on an end & he was in the middle. I was a little nervous that he would be scared away from me, but he did ok. I was allowed to go check on him after a while, so I went to make sure he was ok. He had marks on his cheek from falling asleep in the chair. He asked if there was somewhere he could lay down, so I picked him up & took him to the back where I guess all of the seats reclined because people were all in reclining chairs in the back. I placed him in the chair, got him set up with his blanket & drink & he said that was good. Then he said he was going to go to the bathroom really quick & I said ok & he walked out of the room into the hallway. I guess for some reason I felt confident that he knew where he was going, but then I realized that I didn’t know where he was going, so I walked out of the room, noticing a bigger recliner that was empty on my way out & making a mental note that I would give that to him when we got back because it would be more comfortable. Well, I couldn’t find him & started to panic a little.

At that time, the parents started filing into the hallways, filling them with so many people. I found my mom first & was trying to tell her that I didn’t know where Ben went & was looking for him, but I was losing my voice & couldn’t talk over the crowds. She was calm & started to look for him with me. Then John met up with us & he was young looking, like when he first came to America. He was happy to see me & asked about Ben. I told him through tears & hardly a voice that I couldn’t find him & he was angry that I had let him out of my sight. So then all 3 of us are trying to push through the jam-packed hallways looking for Ben.

I don’t know if this was the same sequence of the dream, but then I remember seeing a man pick him up, cross over to another hallway and try to get out of the building that way. He was running down the hall & I waited in a room just off the hall to cut him off. I knew it would really hurt, but I had to stop him, so I ran full force into him while he was running down the hall & stopped him & that was it.

spirit art

well i had a crazy experience a couple of weeks ago that i've been forgetting to blog about, so here goes.

two fridays ago i was researching what's going on in town & found this art walk at one of the malls. all of my friends had other plans, but i didn't want to let being alone stop me from doing something fun. i thought i might really enjoy this art thing. plus, i felt like the Lord wanted to specifically spend the evening with me & since i haven't done that since who knows when, i thought it would be great for us to do together. so i went to the mall & started walking through.

i passed this guy in a hat & white t-shirt walking the other direction. the only reason i noticed him is that he stared at me as we passed & i thought it a bit weird. so i'm walking along, saw an antique store & decided to go in. i'm about halfway in when i realize he's turned around & followed me in. he follows me through the store at a distance, i hang back to stay away, then he looks at me & walks out. i was trying not to be too paranoid, so i blew it off, and went on to a gallery next door. as i'm in the gallery, he walks by the entrance & looks in at me. t-shirt man was really starting to creep me out, and, frankly, ruining my art experience. i decided to try one more gallery to try & lose him before leaving. i had my confrontation all ready in my head should i see him again. you know they always say really confident & aware women are far less likely to be targets, so i was ready to confront.

anyway, i chose a very open gallery with large pictures that intrigued me. there was weird music playing & the entry said "spirit art". then i saw an indian head on the wall & pretty much wrote it off as native american witch doctor art, but decided to give it a look anyway. the artist, rickey paul (www.spiritartofmikeal.com/), was talking to a couple about his art. i caught pieces of the conversation such as "painting what he tells me in the dark," "i sign his name on all the pieces," "i don't know much about art," and also some angel stories. as i was eavesdropping, i saw an article on a table about him. apparently 6 1/2 years ago an angel started speaking to him & telling him what to paint. i was almost done walking around once, but i just had to speak to him & he was still talking to that couple, so i started round 2. this time i saw more in the paintings than i did the first time. they were amazing! when the couple walked away, i made a bee-line for him & introduced myself. i wanted to feel this guy out, what he believed was happening, etc.

so i started asking him questions about what i had heard, about what he believes. he said he believed in God, Jesus, "the whole bit", just didn't do the whole religion thing anymore. he was raised Catholic, but didn't think that the rules were a reflection of how God intended our lives & church to be. well, i can definitely appreciate that. i'm not a fan of legalistic religion & i don't think God is either. rickey said that one day he was having lunch with a friend & the friend told him that there was a 9 foot angel behind him that was saying he's "not leaving this time". the angel told the friend that he wanted a combination of the names "mickey" and "al". his name is michael (i think rickey thinks he's the archangel michael), so "mickey" is a child-like nickname and "al" is like "spirit" because he wanted their relationship to have a childlike spirit or something, so this is where he got the name "mikeal", which is the name he signs on the artwork. rickey said he used to go into a dark room & let mikeal tell him what to paint. he said he doesn't know much about painting, but after mikeal tells him he's done, he turns the light on and mikeal tells him the story behind the picture and how much to charge for it.

he believes each painting is intended for a specific person. he said they'll usually walk in, go around once & leave. then they'll re-enter and say something to the effect of ownership about a painting - "that's my painting" or "this one is for me". he said one lady did this, took her painting home, and hung it in the living room. she placed it there so she could look at it as she drank coffee at the dining room table. she said that one day as she was looking at it, her entire living room turned white, Jesus walked out of the painting, took 3 steps, and told her that otis was with him and was alright. otis was her deceased husband that she had worried about his eternal destination. hmm.

then rickey told me another story of how he began noticing a lot of native american themes showing up int he art. he asked mikeal about it & mikeal said, "shouldn't they be healed, too?" i asked him how mikeal communicates with him & he described it as a "knowing", not audible. this is how i feel the Holy Spirit communicates to me, but i'm not sure if rickey thinks God or the Holy Spirit is communicating to him through mikeal or if he just thinks mikeal is communicating to him directly of his own initiative. anyway, at this point rickey said he realized how little he actually knew about native americans.

one day an indian chief came into his gallery & introduced himself as "two bears". they spoke and he later discovered that no one else had seen the chief in the gallery. from their conversation, rickey felt like he was supposed to go north to montana to where custer fought his last battle with the indians. when he & his wife got there, there was a path to the right to the battlefield and a path to the left. he took the path to the left and came upon an indian monument specifically for two bears & his tribe's involvement in the battle. *chills* rickey's explanation of this is that two bears wanted him to appreciate what he had done in his life. rickey's wife thinks that rickey is just so close to the spirit world that two bears was able to appear to him. again, hmm.

at this point i was feeling a little weird because while i think this guy & i could be on some of the same pages, we're probably not on all. after the two bears story, i felt it necessary to ask him about his thoughts on the afterlife. his answer was that he didn't know because he hadn't been there....um, ok. he said he's died 3 times from heart attacks and come back. he said one time while he was recovering from one of his heart attacks that his wife told him he sat up in bed and began having a conversation with several angels as if they were at the foot of his bed. she said he was telling them that he couldn't wait to join them. she saw no one else in the room besides the two of them. rickey also said that mikeal has told him that he has his sword and shield ready for when rickey joins him "in the fight". i'm not sure if rickey thinks he becomes an angel upon death? i told him that i've never really believes that dead people appear to the living. i said when i refer to the "spiritual realm", i'm referring to demons & angels. he refers to the spirit realm, seeming to mean angels, demons, and spirits of people who have passed. right after i tell him this he gives me this knowing look & says, "yeah, but they show up in your dreams, don't they?"

..................................i just about peed my pants right there. 4 weeks prior to this i had a very intense dream with my deceased maternal grandfather as one of the main characters in the dream, crystal clear as if it was circa 1993. i don't have any grandparents that are alive & have lost a lot of relatives in my short life & i've always had dreams with them in them. i thought it was normal. as a side note, i'm reading the shack and in that book the deceased sister visits and plays with her siblings in their dreams, so that just draws some weird parallels. not really conclusions necessarily, but definitely parallels.

back to the story. after telling me this, i'm sure he could tell he definitely had my attention. then he casually tells me that he can read all of the people that come into his gallery like a book. he said he's not always supposed to tell them what he sees, but sometimes he is. he said i had a very strong rainbow around me (chelsey said that means i'm confused, but i prefer to think it means something awesome along the lines of promise, ha) and asked if there is a strong influence in my life named "sarah". i told him i have a lot of friends named sarah, but none really stand out as this strong influence/mentor he seemed to be getting at. in our conversation i was telling him my fascination with art and he said, "yeah, but art really isn't your thing, is it?" i was kind of confused because i've always considered myself an artistic person. he said, "you're fascinated with the process of creating something from nothing." now that is true, but i don't think it's all that uncommon. i am always looking at things around me & wondering how they are made & thinking of how i would make them, but i'm sure there are other people who do this as well. then he looked at me & said, "i'm going to tell you something." he stared at me directly in the eye for at least 30 seconds as if debating whether i could handle it. i just stared right back, assuring him i could, haha. then he says, "you're going to have 3 dreams. you really need to pay attention to the 3rd one because in it is a very clear life direction. then come back and tell me what it is. well, that's enough of that for one day." and that was it - our conversation was over.

let me just say that while i did write all of this down, i'm not just eating it up as fact about my life. i'm a firm believer in praying about this type of thing for confirmation. i will say that i felt peace and the Lord's presence throughout the entire conversation. as i said before, i'm not entirely sure this guy & i would agree on everything, i felt like i was supposed to pay attention to this experience. so of course i was hoping for like 3 amazing dreams from the Lord in a week, but it was almost 2 weeks (tuesday night) before i had a dream. let me explain the dream thing: i dream all the time, like all the time, but i know a dream is from the Lord because i remember it differently, with a distinctive clarity. i can't explain it better than that & i don't always know the purpose/meaning, but i know when i'm supposed to pay attention to it, i try to always write them down & hope i get the message whenever i'm supposed to. the next post will be my dream. could it be dream #1? ;-)

by the way, i never saw the creepy guy again, thank the Lord.

always planning

I think it's so weird that girls are always planning their wedding. I was just thinking the other day about why people get into relationships. Obviously i know there's going to be exceptions, so I'll just speak for myself & those who were around me.

When i was in 9th grade, I made my little list about the qualities I wanted in a husband, blah blah. From that point forward, I felt like i needed to justify every relationship I entered into by finding some "marriable" qualities in him. As a side note, I am a pretty firm believer in dating people with marriable qualities, but at the same time, I don't think you can know the outcome from the beginning. All of that to say, it's like in every relationship, I've always found myself taking notes - does this mean he'll always be this way, is this a habit that i can live with, etc. It's like constantly evaluating this person, like they are under the "perfect match magnifying glass" & when I realized they just weren't going to work out, I cut it off. They probably entered into a relationship with me because they thought I was fun or pretty or just wanted a girlfriend, who knows, definitely a simpler reason than mine.

This isn't only with dating relationships. I've been making & re-making my bridesmaids list since high school, trying to tailor it to the number of people that the person I'm dating would be able to have & re-evaluating who "makes the cut" or who I've lost touch with. I don't know why, but it's just like this distant huge turning point in my life that it feels like I've been constantly preparing for for like 10 years, yet feel no closer to or any readier for - why am i wasting my time? Why do i need all of these things figured out? It's so weird because it's not necessarily like a need to be married now/soon or even that I think I'm ready to be married. I guess it's just this feeling that I need to be as prepared as possible when the time comes so I have fewer decisions to make? Who knows.

I was just thinking about an old friend today & caught myself thinking, "We don't really keep up much anymore, I wonder if it would hurt her feelings if she isn't a bridesmaid in my wedding?"

............what?!?!

Am I engaged? No! Am I close to being engaged? No! Where do these crazy thoughts come from? I think part of it has to do with summer, also known as "wedding season". Summer always does weird things to me - too many people get engaged & married in the summer. It takes me a while to recover.

Anyway, this thought pattern kind of falls into what I've been trying to do lately: live in the moment. Not in a crazy way, but in an actually enjoying life kind of way. I want to enjoy my friendships & relationship as they happen, as they unfold, not be focused on what hasn't happened. If I let myself, I can get totally caught up in my mind & create conversations as I imagine they would go, create scenarios as I imagine they would go, set up expectations for other people's words/actions, get angry at people for what I imagined they said, and basically set myself up for a world of disappointment, all the while missing out on what life, or the Lord rather, is offering me now. It's really a horrible pattern. I think girls deal with it a lot because it's so easy to get caught up in that you don't even realize you're doing it.

I recently met with this girl & we read a book together. She's like 5 years younger than me & we were kind of getting to know each other the first time we met when she was talking about her boyfriend. She told me this wonderful story about how they started dating, etc. Then she mentioned that during the summer, he was being kind of lazy, not spending his time wisely in her opinion, etc. & she wasn't sure what that was an indication of. I knew immediately we were kindred spirits, as Anne of Green Gables would say. :) So I asked if she was worried that if they got married that he would be sitting on the couch all day, drinking beer, jobless, and making her go to church alone? She gave me that "how did you know" smile. Well, because I've been a professional life-imaginer my entire life! It's amazing how you can take one little thing & in 30 seconds have figured out how it's going to affect the rest of your life. So exhausting. It made me so happy to be able to share some of my new findings, mostly about men & women relating, with her. It's so fun getting to share things with people that you just figured out & that may help them avoid some of your pitfalls. By the way, I assured her that it means it's summer & he's just relaxing before having to enter the real world & that it has nothing to do with the failure or success of her future. ;-)

I have also decided that I'm never going to fully figure out why men think the way they do & how to get them to understand the way I do (also that i need to be ok with not understanding). Neither really makes sense all of the time. I will hopefully choose to see this as an adventure of discovery & laugh about misunderstandings along the way instead of letting myself get caught up in them.

heavy clouds of thought

I feel heavy today, not physically heavy, but burdened with a heavy feeling. Some things around me are affecting my mood: friends who have been falsely accused of abusing their children & are fighting to get them back, friends who can’t have a baby, friends who were great parents & their son still committed suicide, a sinking feeling that things in the world are getting worse when I hear of new things closely lining up with prophecy I’ve read in the Bible, and, finally, knowing what to do with myself in my own life.

I’m not complaining, just sharing a plethora of thoughts adding up to a little cloud hovering over my head. At my church, we’re doing a study on Habakkuk & learning “the reply to why”. Basically why do bad things still happen to “good” people, etc., etc.? It’s so interesting how many times in the bible that God gets glory in the end through evil, like wiping out nations & just allowing things to happen. I’m not so naïve as to think He doesn’t allow these things. There’s so much I don’t know, but a few things I do know to be true: I know that we have victory in the end; I know that this is a fallen world; I know that Habakkuk cried out to God asking him why he tolerates the evil in Judah & God’s response was that he was raising up the Babylonians to take them over. Using evil to get rid of bad?!

It doesn’t really make sense. But then I think – does it have to? I’m the kind of person who wants to understand everything, but when it comes to the ways of the Lord, I have to just make myself accept that I can’t always understand. So then what am I supposed to do now that I’ve accepted the fact that I don’t have to understand? I still strongly believe that I shouldn’t just be ok with everything that's happening. I want to be the kind of person that cries out to the Lord about the injustice I see surrounding me, to pray with boldness for answers. Our pastor made the interesting point that the cross is one of the worst torture devices in the history of man, used by one of the most corrupt governments in history, and ultimately that’s what gave me my salvation. Why do people walk around saying that God wouldn't allow terrorism or even worse natural disasters than we've already seen? Definitely something to chew on.

The first three things I listed that are on my mind have to do with children. Now, I don’t have children. I do desire them at some point in my life. Sometimes I almost think I wish I were in that stage now, but then I realize I’m not even close to being ready. Anyway, these problems & then the way the world is now really make me question whether I want to bring children into this world. Are they just going to be taken away from me? Will they take their own life after i've poured so much of mine into them? Am i fit to train up someone in the way they should go? What if they never accept Jesus as their savior? Will i be able to protect them? Will i be able to accept when situations are out of my control? I’m not losing sleep over it or anything, just something that crosses my mind every so often.

Ok one of the things that I started thinking about today in reference to the prophecy comment before is Oprah. I’ve seen some things recently about these new people she’s endorsing that are fairly new-agey & what I perceive to be lies disguised as feel-good truth. Anyway, one of the most alarming things is that the author of this book & supposed spiritual advisor to Oprah is head of this peace alliance, trying to start a U.S. Department of Peace. Now, peace sounds great. World peace sounds even greater, but when you get someone who is a proponent of “mind training” and a year-long self-study “course in miracles”, thinks we’re all destined to be as Jesus on one hand & that she’s a magical witch on the other, I have to start questioning. Oprah & another author are teaching a class online every Monday night to something like 2 million people. Oprah thinks that sharing this guy’s book is a fulfillment of her life’s purpose & the book is predicted to be the best-seller of all time. I guess we’ll see.

I saw another thing about this book called don’t drink the kool-aid. The title is a reference to an occult mass suicide in the 70s. This woman, a Christian author, is basically saying that this “Oprah movement” is occult-ish & that Oprah is reaching more people daily than most pastors will reach in a lifetime. She addresses Oprah’s endorsement of Obama and how it has given him an assent to power quicker than he ever would have gotten there alone as well as references the teachings I previously mentioned. My first inclination is to blindly believe everything this woman says, but then am I just as bad as the people I’m accusing of being deceived by blinding believing everything Oprah says?

Lastly, I just want to make the right decisions in my own life. I know that i can't be ok & make the right choices all the time, I do. I just desire the discernment for making the right decisions & the ability to accept & forgive myself when I don't, moving on to hopefully make the right one next time. I find myself making decisions of the moment as of late in an effort to not need to see the big picture, but be satisfied with the present. The result is a series of decisions that I’m not sure were right, but not sure if they were necessarily wrong. I want to bring glory to God. I also want to love & be loved. Emotions & rationalization can really get in the way of clear thinking.

I’m going to look up some of the prophecy I’m talking about so I can quote scripture next time instead of just a jumble of questions & general wonder-ing…ments (FRIENDS).

reading & thinking

So I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently. A lot of reading & thinking. I’ve been intentionally trying to not turn my TV on in the evenings because I find that it’s either mindless entertainment or just makes me mad about the world & what’s acceptable. Not to say I hate TV. The shows I love, I really love. It’s just getting a little harder to find shows I love. Anyway, this is of no importance. Back to the point. So I’ve been filling my time with reading, some fiction & some non.

In fiction, I really like to read Christian fiction. Some may argue that it’s boring or cheesy or whatever, but I find that it’s really inspiring to me, plus relieving to know that it's basically already censored. I love reading the thoughts & situations of people. I love knowing that everyone is human & learning the struggles & victories of other believers (probably why i love reading blogs), or non-believers depending on where the story starts in the characters’ lives. It gives me a different perspective on things. I like when I can feel my mind being stretched. I often try to pull out important thoughts or lessons from the story & apply them to my life, or see where I may have made similar mistakes. I like to think about Jesus sitting next to me while I’m reading & kind of “discussing” my new thoughts in response to what I’m reading. This probably sounds stupid & I realize that not everyone thinks the way I do, but all of that to say, I think reading Christian fiction draws me closer to the Lord & expands my mind. Right now I’m in the middle of A Garden to Keep by Jamie Langston Turner. Love it. The protagonist is telling the whole story & her thoughts & memories are all over the place. I love the crazy way her mind works because, while I know it irritates & overwhelms people, I can completely relate.

Non-fiction, whether also a story or more like a life application book, makes me think in a different way. These I am reading solely for revelation about my personal life & how to improve or view it differently. Knowing my mind as I do, I have to read these books in smaller doses because I’m probably trying to absorb it a little too much. If it’s the kind of book that’s suggesting life changes, I sometimes catch myself getting bogged down with what I should be doing, which is obviously not productive. Right now I’m erring on the productive & encouraging side with What’s So Amazing About Grace? by Philip Yancey. I started it a long time ago. I remember thinking it was amazing, no pun intended, but left it at a friends’ house for a long time & just got it back. I’m excited about picking it up again.

Sidenote about grace: a few weeks ago at church our pastor came to my small group. I think we were talking about revolutions or something, but somehow grace or giving came up & he made an interesting point I’m still absorbing: if there’s no end to the amount of grace that God extends to us, why are we willing to only extend a certain amount to other people? It’s like we feel like we’ve done our part to extend grace one time to one person in one week, but he was talking about how we should exhaust our “supply” over & over. And I guess we shouldn’t be worried about what it might do to us because there’s enough grace from God to keep filling us up. Hm. I like it. So none of this is what I meant to write about today, but I think it’s enough for one post.

Key word to remind me what I meant to write & will next time: overreacting.

death & dreams

My Dad & Sheryl just got back from their vacation last night. They’ve been gone for nearly 3 weeks. It all began when my stepbrother, Travis, went to a Bible College in California last semester. One of his good buddies he met there was named Geoff. Travis & Geoff both decided to go to the bible college's campus in Maui this semester. Dad & Sheryl decided to make a vacation out of it. My dad's birthday is this month and he’s always wanted to go to Hawaii, so off they went on the 16th of January. Dad & Sheryl stayed in Maui for 5 or 6 days, saw Travis a lot, got him settled, and spent a lot of time with his friends, Geoff & some other girls from the bible college.

Then Dad & Sheryl moved on to another island by themselves for the duration of their trip. They were supposed to be returning home Friday, the 25th. On Thursday, the 24th, Travis called them in a panic saying that he, Geoff, and 2 other students had been on this hike & Geoff had fallen off a cliff & died, and begged them to come back to Maui. So, they cancelled all of their flights, unsure as to when they'd be returning to the lower 48 or what really had happened, and headed back to Maui to be with Travis. Apparently they had gone on this hike that guys from the Bible College have been going on for a few years. It’s pretty dangerous, but they were having the time of their lives. They were almost done with the hike, had one more waterfall to either jump over or scale down. Geoff was figuring out the best way, slipped, and fell down head first. It was an hour’s hike back to the road to get cell phone service to call for rescue. They came and as one of the boys was taking him back to Geoff’s body, he got to share his faith and the rescue worker accepted Christ right there. Amazing. Already salvation had come just two hours after his death. They had devotionals and memorial services at the school to pray for his family and worship. My Dad & Sheryl said that Geoff was on fire for the Lord and so refreshing to be around. He had had two close encounters with death before and had given his life to the Lord in July of 2007. He was baptized the 1st Sunday in January, and gave his testimony at his home church soon after. They spent the next week in Maui before heading to Geoff’s hometown in Oregon for the funeral.

They spent a few days in Oregon staying with one of the girls from the college’s parents. They said that this family was such a blessing. The dad is an evangelist & they have 4 daughters. They said the funeral was amazing. There were 1700 people there, it was 3 hours long, and around 50 people ended up accepting the Lord at the funeral! Wow. They just said it was a worship service. I really hope that’s what my funeral is like. I’ve always thought that if because I lived, just one person came to know Jesus & experience His love, my life would be worth it.

Anyway, all of this to say, I picked them up from the airport last night & were looking at their pictures. They took pictures of the people’s backyard in Oregon & there’s a river running by their house. I hadn’t thought about it in forever, but I was immediately reminded of a prophetic dream I had about 2 years ago. Almost like I knew the place. Weird. So I get out my journal & below I’ve written out the two journal entries centered around the dream. I have no idea if there’s a correlation, but I know when a dream is from the Lord. I remember it differently & I believe that if the Lord gives me a dream, there’s something I’m supposed to take from it, whether a lesson, direction, or revelation. I had this one two months before I finally wrote it down because I couldn’t get it out of my head. I haven’t thought about it in forever, which is why I wonder if the Holy Spirit brought it to mind when I saw that picture. I’m going to leave it at that, post this, and pray for more direction.

4/4/06
I feel like the Lord wanted me to write this dream down that I had a couple of months ago:

As a preface, none of the faces in my dream are people that I currently know in real life. Me & my immediate family were going to take a trip to visit some old friends of my parents. All I knew about these people was that they lived in the middle of no where, loved Jesus, served/followed Him in maybe some unconventional ways, and that 2 of their children had died. So we pulled up to their house: it’s in the woods, leaves everywhere, a river runs beside their house. In the yard, we see a rather unusual sight. There is a grave/mound – not fresh, already covered with leaves – and a dead child lying on the ground next to the grave (boy). The child was stiff & gray/blue, so he had been dead for a significant amount of time. The reason his body was laying out is because every day (either 2 or 3 times), they take his body down to the river and baptize it, believing that god will bring their son back to life. Obviously, this was slightly unusual to us, but we continued on into the house. The mother is giving us the tour when she casually mentions that the spirit of her dead son visits her at night to chat. She said that sometimes this woman spirit comes also. Um, okay, so the inner turmoil starts here. (As if I wasn’t already racking my brain over the dead kid in the front yard!) First of all, I’m scared to death that I’m going to see these “spirits” in their house. Second, I’m so torn the whole dream as to what I think about what’s going on. Do I just have no faith, or are they total freaks?! I knew my parents trusted and loved these people, so I wanted to, too. I knew they loved Jesus, but obviously we lived very differently—who is right? Can I accept this? Etc. & I’m tormented with what to do & think. The End.

4/6/06
After telling my dream to about 4 different trusted friends & receiving blank stares, I told Dustin Randle. He, being the prophetic man that he is, had some suggestions as to interpretation.
- The fact that I didn’t know any of the people’s faces could have something to do with surrounding myself with a new community
- My immediate family could represent my immediate spiritual family, the people I’m walking with (John said I should be on the lookout for new “spiritual parents”)
- The traveling could have something to do with moving, visiting somewhere (church planting?)
- The dead boy could symbolize the church. That I may be part of a people who are believing that the church will come back to life.
- The buried child (Dustin thinks it’s a girl – not necessarily relevant) could represent discernment of knowing what to bury/let lie & what to believe for
- The torment could foretell of a confusion & finding of new faith in the near future
- The woman spirit could be some kind of spiritual guardian over the boy & visits the mom as encouragement to continue doing this seemingly foolish thing

Interestingly enough, this kind of correlates to my life right now:
- I’ve decided to move to Amarillo & be involved in the singles ministry at my mom’s church (new community, moving)
- Some man met mother & john at church & said that he felt like they would be on a church plan within 3 years (w/ me?)
- My friend Lindsey took me to dinner & said that she feels that the Lord very clearly told her to ask me to go with her wherever she goes after graduation next May. Does this give me a time frame in Amarillo? Will I teach ESL like her? Or will I do something totally different alongside her? I don’t know.

My roommate got a book/dictionary of dream symbols, so I’m going to see if there’s anything else in there (Habakkuk 2:23 “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.”)
Autumn – transition, about to enter difficult times, end of something and beginning of another (Jeremiah 5:24)
Baptizing – a change from the natural to the spiritual. Dying to self, expression of the new man (Luke 3:3, Romans 6:4, Colossians 2:12)
Buried – permanent end to something (Colossians 2:12)
Death – dying to self usually
Family – Christian or spiritual family. Group of people in unified fellowship
House – one’s spiritual & emotional house, personality, or church
Leaves – dry leaves – pressures of life
River – movement of God, flow of the Spirit
Unknown Woman – messenger from God
Thinking – time of study, reflection, meditation, & intellectual exercise

A few weeks ago, my friend in life group, Teensy, gave me a word with these 2 verses:
- Habakkuk 2:3 (above)
- Zephaniah 3:17 – “The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with His love, he will rejoice over you with singing.”

She said that she felt like my time in Amarillo would be a time of refreshment spiritually and that I am in a time of preparation.

Another girl in life group, Stephanie, has come up to me the past 2 weeks with a word about finding my “niche”, or a place I belong. She also said she sensed a prophetic gifting.

My roommate, Kelly, told me at the prophetic conference that she felt like I had a prophetic gifting.