couple of random thoughts as of late:
first of all, the other day i was driving to the bank when i saw a commotion on the opposite side of the street. as i approached, i assumed it was a car accident, but upon closer inspection realized that a man was laying on his back in the middle of the street, his motorcycle about 20 feet away on it's side. people were gathered around him & a woman had taken the responsibility of directing traffic. i don't think he was dead, but the sight had the strangest effect on me. i called 911 in case no one had. it's one of those completely helpless situations where you know you can't physically do anything to contribute, but you still want to. i wonder if people in the medical profession appreciate or resent their obligation to stop in such cases. anyway, so i knew the best thing i could do in this situation was pray for the man. the second i opened my mouth to pray, my eyes filled with tears & my throat closed up so that i couldn't speak. i had no idea what was happening--i don't know this man, i don't know if he's even dead, why am i so upset? i couldn't figure it out. finally i was able to utter about a sentence prayer, but i really couldn't stop crying.
since then i've been thinking and wondering about this. sometimes i can pass by an accident where i can clearly see that people are not ok & am ashamed at how numb i am to it & here i see that a man has fallen off his bike & i'm inconsolable. it makes me wonder if there's a reason for this, like some kind of discernment about the person's soul. i just wonder if at certain times where i seem super sensitive to a situation if something is going on in the spiritual that i can't see in the natural, but that my spirit is attuned to. who knows. this is not to say that the people in accidents who know Jesus don't need prayer just as much, of course. this is one of those things that i don't really know if it matters, but i think it's important to just be aware and open to the Holy Spirit speaking to me in this way. even if it's not him, it prompts me to send up some extra prayers & that can never hurt, ha.
second random thought. it kind of bugs me that girls get a bad rap for being overly sensitive. now, before you turn me off completely, let me explain. there are more than plenty of girls who have been the reason for this bad connotation, so i understand where it comes from, but i'm talking about truly sensitive & soft hearts. it's my belief that the Lord is able to mold you like clay when you are softened enough to be pliable. also, He's more able to speak to you & teach you when you are sensitive enough to hear His Spirit's quiet voice. when i was growing up, i never wanted people to see me cry because i thought it meant that i was weak or would at least be viewed that way (i sound kind of like a boy), but i never wanted to be viewed as a weakling of a girl who couldn't do anything or lift heavy things or wrestle or whatever. now it's kind of a battle in my mind. there's still a part of me that wants to appear as though i've got it all under control, i can handle my circumstances, and i don't need healing because i'm not hurt. i think it's safe to say this is my flesh because my spirit longs for healing & growth, knowing that with that will come growing pains, more hurt, and dreaded tears.
i've started to notice how many more things affect me emotionally now that i'm a little older. for instance, things i watch on tv. i am so affected by people's lives & what they're going through/thinking/feeling in these lives that don't even exist. i get completely wrapped up & find myself responding emotionally the way i would were i in the situation i'm watching. because of this, i have to be careful what i watch. things that remind me of unpleasantries in my past that caused some pretty major wounds tend to re-open them, opening the floodgates too.
recently a friend & i were having a conversation about the differences of men & women. he asked me what i would change. i think he was expecting me to go off as girls are prone to do, but i've given this a lot of thought, so my answer is a little different. if i had the option to change something, i would make men a little more complicated & women a little more simple. like it would be nice if they had to juggle 2 things on their mind instead 1 & if we could only juggle 4 things instead of 6. i don't think it's widely known that we don't want to be as complicated as we are, it's just the way that it is. i digress. anyway, so i said that, but i followed it with the fact that i know we are both made in God's image. if this is the case, then i have to believe that He truly created us to complement each other. i think that this was probably a lot easier in the garden of Eden before the Fall. i think that since we live in a fallen world with so much evil penetrating our lives & thoughts that this is much more difficult than ever intended, but still very possible. i have to believe there's a reason each of us has our strengths & weaknesses. i want to believe that my sensitivity will play a positive role in my marriage someday, whether in my compassion towards my husband or in prayer over major life decisions.
which brings me back to the sensitivity thing. i would like to marry someone who sees this trait as a positive one, who sees the fact that i cry at all weddings & births as cute or sweet, instead of irritating. i'm considering reading wild at heart again because i really want to be prepared when the Lord deems it the right time for me to partner in life with someone. i want to appreciate our differences & use them as something that draws us closer as we enjoy learning more about each other, not as something that causes bitterness, resentment, & disappointment. i don't want to sound completely idealistic, like everything in a relationship will go perfect because i'm trying to understand who i'm with? no. i know there will be anger, i know there will be confusion, and i know there will be disapointment. i'm just saying that i really desire to learn as much as i can now about men & how God created them so that i can hopefully go back to that when the other things creep in.
i think i was going somewhere else with this thought too, but i've been distracted several time & have lost my train of thought.
first of all, the other day i was driving to the bank when i saw a commotion on the opposite side of the street. as i approached, i assumed it was a car accident, but upon closer inspection realized that a man was laying on his back in the middle of the street, his motorcycle about 20 feet away on it's side. people were gathered around him & a woman had taken the responsibility of directing traffic. i don't think he was dead, but the sight had the strangest effect on me. i called 911 in case no one had. it's one of those completely helpless situations where you know you can't physically do anything to contribute, but you still want to. i wonder if people in the medical profession appreciate or resent their obligation to stop in such cases. anyway, so i knew the best thing i could do in this situation was pray for the man. the second i opened my mouth to pray, my eyes filled with tears & my throat closed up so that i couldn't speak. i had no idea what was happening--i don't know this man, i don't know if he's even dead, why am i so upset? i couldn't figure it out. finally i was able to utter about a sentence prayer, but i really couldn't stop crying.
since then i've been thinking and wondering about this. sometimes i can pass by an accident where i can clearly see that people are not ok & am ashamed at how numb i am to it & here i see that a man has fallen off his bike & i'm inconsolable. it makes me wonder if there's a reason for this, like some kind of discernment about the person's soul. i just wonder if at certain times where i seem super sensitive to a situation if something is going on in the spiritual that i can't see in the natural, but that my spirit is attuned to. who knows. this is not to say that the people in accidents who know Jesus don't need prayer just as much, of course. this is one of those things that i don't really know if it matters, but i think it's important to just be aware and open to the Holy Spirit speaking to me in this way. even if it's not him, it prompts me to send up some extra prayers & that can never hurt, ha.
second random thought. it kind of bugs me that girls get a bad rap for being overly sensitive. now, before you turn me off completely, let me explain. there are more than plenty of girls who have been the reason for this bad connotation, so i understand where it comes from, but i'm talking about truly sensitive & soft hearts. it's my belief that the Lord is able to mold you like clay when you are softened enough to be pliable. also, He's more able to speak to you & teach you when you are sensitive enough to hear His Spirit's quiet voice. when i was growing up, i never wanted people to see me cry because i thought it meant that i was weak or would at least be viewed that way (i sound kind of like a boy), but i never wanted to be viewed as a weakling of a girl who couldn't do anything or lift heavy things or wrestle or whatever. now it's kind of a battle in my mind. there's still a part of me that wants to appear as though i've got it all under control, i can handle my circumstances, and i don't need healing because i'm not hurt. i think it's safe to say this is my flesh because my spirit longs for healing & growth, knowing that with that will come growing pains, more hurt, and dreaded tears.
i've started to notice how many more things affect me emotionally now that i'm a little older. for instance, things i watch on tv. i am so affected by people's lives & what they're going through/thinking/feeling in these lives that don't even exist. i get completely wrapped up & find myself responding emotionally the way i would were i in the situation i'm watching. because of this, i have to be careful what i watch. things that remind me of unpleasantries in my past that caused some pretty major wounds tend to re-open them, opening the floodgates too.
recently a friend & i were having a conversation about the differences of men & women. he asked me what i would change. i think he was expecting me to go off as girls are prone to do, but i've given this a lot of thought, so my answer is a little different. if i had the option to change something, i would make men a little more complicated & women a little more simple. like it would be nice if they had to juggle 2 things on their mind instead 1 & if we could only juggle 4 things instead of 6. i don't think it's widely known that we don't want to be as complicated as we are, it's just the way that it is. i digress. anyway, so i said that, but i followed it with the fact that i know we are both made in God's image. if this is the case, then i have to believe that He truly created us to complement each other. i think that this was probably a lot easier in the garden of Eden before the Fall. i think that since we live in a fallen world with so much evil penetrating our lives & thoughts that this is much more difficult than ever intended, but still very possible. i have to believe there's a reason each of us has our strengths & weaknesses. i want to believe that my sensitivity will play a positive role in my marriage someday, whether in my compassion towards my husband or in prayer over major life decisions.
which brings me back to the sensitivity thing. i would like to marry someone who sees this trait as a positive one, who sees the fact that i cry at all weddings & births as cute or sweet, instead of irritating. i'm considering reading wild at heart again because i really want to be prepared when the Lord deems it the right time for me to partner in life with someone. i want to appreciate our differences & use them as something that draws us closer as we enjoy learning more about each other, not as something that causes bitterness, resentment, & disappointment. i don't want to sound completely idealistic, like everything in a relationship will go perfect because i'm trying to understand who i'm with? no. i know there will be anger, i know there will be confusion, and i know there will be disapointment. i'm just saying that i really desire to learn as much as i can now about men & how God created them so that i can hopefully go back to that when the other things creep in.
i think i was going somewhere else with this thought too, but i've been distracted several time & have lost my train of thought.
