i heard a sermon on character, specifically daniel's character in chapter 6. then i had a conversation with a friend about 2 kings 18 & 19, where king hezekiah trusted the Lord to deliver Israel out of the hands of Assyria when Assyria had defeated all of the surrounding countries, some more powerful. you may fail to see the correlation, but i left church yesterday morning thinking about what it means to have character. the points the pastor pointed out are:
- does not inflate the ego
- has congruent words & actions
- has a set of non-negotiables
- hears & tells the truth
- shows respect & manners
i think the point that stuck out to me the most was having a set of non-negotiables. i mean, in theory i know exactly what i believe & would like to think in situations that i will stick to them, but this does not necessarily prove true. this lesson leads me to believe that there is a black & white. i know it sounds stupid, but i don't get that. i don't get how something can hold true or be the right decision or thought in all situations. is that just me being selfish because i want to make the decisions i want to make & not feel bad about it? i don't know.
the above point was the last sermon series at my church. now there's one about how each of us are ministers. i know this to be true in theory, but what it really says to me is that i'm supposed to take on a lot of responsibility that i'm not sure i really want, to be honest. it's our responsibility to set an example & to remember that even if we don't realize it, there's always someone looking up to you to know what's ok & your decisions are always affecting more than just yourself. how can this really be true?! in less than a week i will be 25 years old. i live alone. i interact with people at will. i feel like most things i do in my life only affect me. granted, obviously i know that things i do at work or with my family or whatever affects them, that's not what i'm talking about. i'm talking about the other decisions. what i do with my friends & where i go. like when i "screw up", am i really affecting another person's life too? what if they are involved in said screw up? i don't think i blame or judge them for my decision. i make my own decisions. so how do i know if the people i'm around are really people who take responsibility for their own choices or will in some way blame me for their poor judgement?
i'm leading a small group for freshman girls & am scared to death that they are going to ask me what to do in a situation that i, at 25, still don't handle correctly. do i just give them the textbook answer & conceal that i, too, deal with that issue or do i get more personal & let them know they aren't alone, hoping they don't lean on that as an excuse to make wrong decisions like me? again, i don't know. this is where i'm confused about what's right. ideally, all people in leadership wouldn't make mistakes, but i don't see that happening anytime soon. i want to be a woman of character, i do, but right now that just sounds boring. it sounds too grown up. it sounds like i wouldn't get to have fun anymore & like no one would want to be around me.
welcome to my mind. :)
