I think it's so weird that girls are always planning their wedding. I was just thinking the other day about why people get into relationships. Obviously i know there's going to be exceptions, so I'll just speak for myself & those who were around me.
When i was in 9th grade, I made my little list about the qualities I wanted in a husband, blah blah. From that point forward, I felt like i needed to justify every relationship I entered into by finding some "marriable" qualities in him. As a side note, I am a pretty firm believer in dating people with marriable qualities, but at the same time, I don't think you can know the outcome from the beginning. All of that to say, it's like in every relationship, I've always found myself taking notes - does this mean he'll always be this way, is this a habit that i can live with, etc. It's like constantly evaluating this person, like they are under the "perfect match magnifying glass" & when I realized they just weren't going to work out, I cut it off. They probably entered into a relationship with me because they thought I was fun or pretty or just wanted a girlfriend, who knows, definitely a simpler reason than mine.
This isn't only with dating relationships. I've been making & re-making my bridesmaids list since high school, trying to tailor it to the number of people that the person I'm dating would be able to have & re-evaluating who "makes the cut" or who I've lost touch with. I don't know why, but it's just like this distant huge turning point in my life that it feels like I've been constantly preparing for for like 10 years, yet feel no closer to or any readier for - why am i wasting my time? Why do i need all of these things figured out? It's so weird because it's not necessarily like a need to be married now/soon or even that I think I'm ready to be married. I guess it's just this feeling that I need to be as prepared as possible when the time comes so I have fewer decisions to make? Who knows.
I was just thinking about an old friend today & caught myself thinking, "We don't really keep up much anymore, I wonder if it would hurt her feelings if she isn't a bridesmaid in my wedding?"
............what?!?!
Am I engaged? No! Am I close to being engaged? No! Where do these crazy thoughts come from? I think part of it has to do with summer, also known as "wedding season". Summer always does weird things to me - too many people get engaged & married in the summer. It takes me a while to recover.
Anyway, this thought pattern kind of falls into what I've been trying to do lately: live in the moment. Not in a crazy way, but in an actually enjoying life kind of way. I want to enjoy my friendships & relationship as they happen, as they unfold, not be focused on what hasn't happened. If I let myself, I can get totally caught up in my mind & create conversations as I imagine they would go, create scenarios as I imagine they would go, set up expectations for other people's words/actions, get angry at people for what I imagined they said, and basically set myself up for a world of disappointment, all the while missing out on what life, or the Lord rather, is offering me now. It's really a horrible pattern. I think girls deal with it a lot because it's so easy to get caught up in that you don't even realize you're doing it.
I recently met with this girl & we read a book together. She's like 5 years younger than me & we were kind of getting to know each other the first time we met when she was talking about her boyfriend. She told me this wonderful story about how they started dating, etc. Then she mentioned that during the summer, he was being kind of lazy, not spending his time wisely in her opinion, etc. & she wasn't sure what that was an indication of. I knew immediately we were kindred spirits, as Anne of Green Gables would say. :) So I asked if she was worried that if they got married that he would be sitting on the couch all day, drinking beer, jobless, and making her go to church alone? She gave me that "how did you know" smile. Well, because I've been a professional life-imaginer my entire life! It's amazing how you can take one little thing & in 30 seconds have figured out how it's going to affect the rest of your life. So exhausting. It made me so happy to be able to share some of my new findings, mostly about men & women relating, with her. It's so fun getting to share things with people that you just figured out & that may help them avoid some of your pitfalls. By the way, I assured her that it means it's summer & he's just relaxing before having to enter the real world & that it has nothing to do with the failure or success of her future. ;-)
I have also decided that I'm never going to fully figure out why men think the way they do & how to get them to understand the way I do (also that i need to be ok with not understanding). Neither really makes sense all of the time. I will hopefully choose to see this as an adventure of discovery & laugh about misunderstandings along the way instead of letting myself get caught up in them.
When i was in 9th grade, I made my little list about the qualities I wanted in a husband, blah blah. From that point forward, I felt like i needed to justify every relationship I entered into by finding some "marriable" qualities in him. As a side note, I am a pretty firm believer in dating people with marriable qualities, but at the same time, I don't think you can know the outcome from the beginning. All of that to say, it's like in every relationship, I've always found myself taking notes - does this mean he'll always be this way, is this a habit that i can live with, etc. It's like constantly evaluating this person, like they are under the "perfect match magnifying glass" & when I realized they just weren't going to work out, I cut it off. They probably entered into a relationship with me because they thought I was fun or pretty or just wanted a girlfriend, who knows, definitely a simpler reason than mine.
This isn't only with dating relationships. I've been making & re-making my bridesmaids list since high school, trying to tailor it to the number of people that the person I'm dating would be able to have & re-evaluating who "makes the cut" or who I've lost touch with. I don't know why, but it's just like this distant huge turning point in my life that it feels like I've been constantly preparing for for like 10 years, yet feel no closer to or any readier for - why am i wasting my time? Why do i need all of these things figured out? It's so weird because it's not necessarily like a need to be married now/soon or even that I think I'm ready to be married. I guess it's just this feeling that I need to be as prepared as possible when the time comes so I have fewer decisions to make? Who knows.
I was just thinking about an old friend today & caught myself thinking, "We don't really keep up much anymore, I wonder if it would hurt her feelings if she isn't a bridesmaid in my wedding?"
............what?!?!
Am I engaged? No! Am I close to being engaged? No! Where do these crazy thoughts come from? I think part of it has to do with summer, also known as "wedding season". Summer always does weird things to me - too many people get engaged & married in the summer. It takes me a while to recover.
Anyway, this thought pattern kind of falls into what I've been trying to do lately: live in the moment. Not in a crazy way, but in an actually enjoying life kind of way. I want to enjoy my friendships & relationship as they happen, as they unfold, not be focused on what hasn't happened. If I let myself, I can get totally caught up in my mind & create conversations as I imagine they would go, create scenarios as I imagine they would go, set up expectations for other people's words/actions, get angry at people for what I imagined they said, and basically set myself up for a world of disappointment, all the while missing out on what life, or the Lord rather, is offering me now. It's really a horrible pattern. I think girls deal with it a lot because it's so easy to get caught up in that you don't even realize you're doing it.
I recently met with this girl & we read a book together. She's like 5 years younger than me & we were kind of getting to know each other the first time we met when she was talking about her boyfriend. She told me this wonderful story about how they started dating, etc. Then she mentioned that during the summer, he was being kind of lazy, not spending his time wisely in her opinion, etc. & she wasn't sure what that was an indication of. I knew immediately we were kindred spirits, as Anne of Green Gables would say. :) So I asked if she was worried that if they got married that he would be sitting on the couch all day, drinking beer, jobless, and making her go to church alone? She gave me that "how did you know" smile. Well, because I've been a professional life-imaginer my entire life! It's amazing how you can take one little thing & in 30 seconds have figured out how it's going to affect the rest of your life. So exhausting. It made me so happy to be able to share some of my new findings, mostly about men & women relating, with her. It's so fun getting to share things with people that you just figured out & that may help them avoid some of your pitfalls. By the way, I assured her that it means it's summer & he's just relaxing before having to enter the real world & that it has nothing to do with the failure or success of her future. ;-)
I have also decided that I'm never going to fully figure out why men think the way they do & how to get them to understand the way I do (also that i need to be ok with not understanding). Neither really makes sense all of the time. I will hopefully choose to see this as an adventure of discovery & laugh about misunderstandings along the way instead of letting myself get caught up in them.
